'Bred Crumbs

I Bet Even VH1 Can't Hum It

At Peet's this morning, the tall young man at the register takes my order, and then, for the first time, starts a conversation with me.

"Did you watch much TV in the '80s?"

"I'm afraid so," I say. I don't know where this is going. I braced for a mention of an unfortunate physical resemblance to some washed-up supporting actor. Though I can't think of who that might be.

"Do you remember the theme from Mr. Belvedere?" he asks. I shake my head. I think about mentioning that the reason I don't remember it is because I've never watched Mr. Belvedere, but I don't.

I am not prepared for the subsequent outburst of amazement from Coffee Boy.

"Nobody does!" he shouts.

He says he's asked and asked, and no one knows it (including him). His mom thought she remembered, "and she tried to sing a little bit of it, but it just like evaporated. It's one of those songs that just doesn't stick."

Of course, it's on the Interweb (here's the MP3, via the ad-intensive Sitcoms Online), and it's no wonder no one remembers it. You've heard catchier dirges. Bearing the weirdly Elizabethan title "According to Our New Arrivals," it's a limp little thing that for some reason opens and closes with an approximation of a harpsichord solo.

But, again, I never watched the show. Was it set in an assisted-living speakeasy during the Holy Roman Empire? 'Cause that's the vibe the theme gives off.

The tune, such as it is, was voiced by Leon Redbone, best known for filling out the last ten minutes of Saturday Night Live back in its infancy. Ah, remember the mid-'70s, when SNL just had to pad out the last 30 minutes as opposed to, say, 90?

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But Before the Cherry Event, the Chastity Event

Overheard, a man on a cell phone walking down the sidewalk. Based on his tone of voice, only the second sentence of the following was meant to be a joke. The rest was a clear case of as-a-matter-of-fact-I-can't-hear-you-now.

"A cherry event? What, you help someone pop a cherry?"

(Pause)

"Oh, a chariot event."

(Pause)

"A charity event."

·  ·  ·

So, in the finest American tradition, I tried to correct one extreme with another, and follow my big blogging lapse with a daily regimen. And it lasted, what, a week and a half? Just like whenever I start "going back to the gym." (Oh yeah? Tell me, how long do your resolutions last, punk?)

Still, goal achieved: for better or worse, I'm blogging again. Or so it would seem.

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