'Bred Crumbs

Why Hasn't Preparation H Jumped on This One?

When the ad folks at ESPN2 sell sponsorship for their bottom-of-the-screen results display, they might want to think a little harder about what they named it, and sell accordingly, so they don't again wind up with this:

THE BOTTOM LINE presented by WASTE MANAGEMENT

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Sour Cream "in Bed"

Stale not-really-Chinese cookies with paper in them? So last century. The new question is: What's your sour-cream fortune?

A dairy-products company whose name is only one letter off the word "dairy" has decided that its container seals should bear what it thinks are inspirational sayings. Problem is, they're so squishy and banal that even the Successories people would flinch.

We'll ease you in with the least bad one we've encountered in our recent stroganoff-making efforts:

Choke that down*, then make sure you locate the closest toilet** before reading this:

We've gotten that one twice already, so the insight of the sour-cream people must be limited. But it doesn't matter, because on the back side of every seal, in the same tampon-rific typeface, is found their wisest advice of all:

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* Which reminds me of something hilarious that Robbie said, with a big sigh, while sifting through the special features on the Star Trek: Generations DVD and reaching an especially unpromising extended scene: "Well, I guess it's time to choke down 'Christmas with the Picards.'"

** And remember, the closest toilet may be behind you.

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Vacation, Had to Get Away

I didn't know I was taking a blogging vacation until I was halfway through it.

And I still don't know why I did. All I know is, around a couple of months ago, everything related to e-communication outside work lost its appeal. I quit blogging, I quit checking site stats, and, as you know if you've written me lately, I still struggle to answer e-mail.

But I'm back from a real-life vacation (a couple days in Calistoga, a lot of goofing off around the house), and so I guess, for some reason, I should get back to it — if nothing else, as part of an effort to get a more writerly discipline going as I head into scripting the third Hidden Deadly film, even while we have yet to find a home for the second one.

And although a lot of things I might have written about over the last few weeks all have been discounted as too small or meaningless to inspire me to get them onto screen, some things do await sharing. And even if they don't, dammit, it's time to get some mental calisthenics going, get back on the horse, get back behind the wheel, get milk, etc.

So: a posting every weekday, and once on weekends. Beginning now. Hold me to it, Coach.

And no, as a matter of fact, I didn't say they'll make sense.

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