'Bred Crumbs

Off the Island

I don't watch any of those exciting TV poker shows, so I'm afraid I'm not as up on the terminology of the game as most, but I'm giving it a shot anyway.

Hey, Lost:

I call.

You've bluffed two times two many, and your ratio of new questions to answers is off the scale. In just one ep, you've turned me from fan to bitter ex-fan. Now I'm no more interested in this show than I am in J.J. Abrams' other show, the one with the girl in little clothes who runs a lot.

It's not even the utterly predictable, and not so shocking, flashback outcome that ticks me off. It's the other thing, the ultimate lame trick of a show that's out of good ideas. Now, Lost, you're in Killer Bob territory. Janeway-and-Paris-turning-into-lizards-and-mating territory. Dallas territory.

You, Lost, have jumped the polar bear. In Episode 13.

Unless you haven't. And as your luck would have it, half my household's still with you. So you get another chance to show me if you've really got something.

But I can tell you don't. So I – what's the word again? Oh, yeah. Call.

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Search Me Four Times

Another 'Bred Crumbs anniversary rolls around, No. 4 this time, and that means rituals, and that means:

The Most Intriguing/Weird/Disturbing/Odd Web Searches That Led to 'Bred Crumbs in 2004

Same rules as last time, essentially, and off we go:

20 krispy kreme atkins approved

19 men who enjoy the company of gay me while intoxicated

18 pictures of celebrities robbing the cradle

17 pepsi crisis

16 dennis miller cnbc drunk

15 free boob punching

14 phonetic spelling of nougat

13 android cheerleaders

12 malcolm in the middle gay fanfic

11 sausage sandwich pictures

10 afraid of beach any mental problem

9 texas hitting a church

8 captain america is so gay

7 spiderman thinks you're gay

6 tuxes with no people

5 weebles doing stuff bubble boy

4 what color is female ejaculation supposed to be

3 apparation of face and fruit dish on a beach explanation

2 butt deductor

1 change the size of my forehead

Not included in the list are a couple of searches so disturbing I don't want to risk being further associated with them by listing them. Yes, more disturbing than Nos. 12 and 4.

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