'Bred Crumbs

"Some Say I'm Robbing the Cradle, But I Say She's Robbing the Grave"

Dewayne: Oh, and the appropriate-age formula? Still wise, but who wants to do math in their head anymore? It's summer.

Eric: This is why a wallet card (like a tip-calculator card) would come in handy.

Me:

Save it, paste it into a business-card template in Word (you'll have to size it down to 2-by-3½ for wallet-size), and print as needed. The tip card you'll have to get elsewhere.

(Title quote from Futurama.)

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One-Might Stands

Actual early results from a poll on the official Burning Man bulletin board, E-Playa:

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Real Life Movie Title Generator

I so rarely stroke myself publicly I usually feel weird about acknowledging success or pride in my own accomplishments, but I'm pleased as punch that the Lifetime Movie Title Generator has been applied to real life. The folks at Fark, discussing the news of a woman who married a man who stabbed her for having pre-wedding jitters, put the Generator to work to title the inevitable TV movie. Damn, knew I should have licensed the thing.

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Schmo Knows Editing

As you may have gathered, I'm not a fan of reality shows, a plague I really wish everyone would start atoning for already. And while the whole mess thrives on rejection, exclusion, humiliation and other varieties of essential meanness, the shows designed expressly to hoodwink someone draw an extra measure of loathing. That kept me away from The Joe Schmo Show – that and the fact that the This Week We're Pretending We Program for Men Channel ran ads for it every three minutes.

But as the second season begins tonight, it highlights an element that does appeal to me: the love its producers have for satirizing the rest of the reality-show dreck. This season, Schmo riffs on the dating sub-genre, which for such a young beast already has an fleet of clichés to work with. Says one Schmo executive producer about the weekly decision finale:

Imagine how much fun we had sitting in the room when we concocted how many times you could cut back and forth between a rose, a host, a girl, a rose, a girl, a host, a candle, a guy, a host, a girl.

That does sound fun. So maybe I'll tune in for the last ten minutes. Since there's no gay couple to root for on the new season of The Amazing Standing-Around-in-Airports Show, I guess I ought to sample something so I can have anything to talk to people about.

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