'Bred Crumbs

Gubernatorama, Day -3: No Facts, No Glory

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

Vik S. Bajwa, Democratic Party:

Since the days of the Gold Rush of mid 1880's, its diversity of over 2 centuries, where over 148 different languages, being spoken every day, we have but one thing in common—Dream and Success. I am a recent Immigrant like you, my 3 kids are native Californians, Kamal and I thank God for being in California. I dream like Martin Luther King, for my Grand Children. Please vote for me and let us bring back the Glory of the Golden State. God Bless You and God bless California! As John F. Kennedy said, ask not what the state can do, but what you can do for the state. My Childhood Hero!!

What have we learned?

• The Gold Rush happened almost 40 years later than generally reported.
• 148 languages are spoken in California. Unless you count sentence structure.
• One of John Kennedy's most famous adminitions has been wildly exaggerated.

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School's Out

Jack Black has been teetering on the brink of the Dungheap for some time now, the one-note abrasiveness of all his movie characters wearing on me even though I've mostly only seen previews.

And now, The School of Rock comes out. Nothing funny in the commercials. Too many precocious kiddies. And a premise so forced and stupid I keep looking for Adam Sandler.

And critics are rating it one of the top movies so far this year.

At some point, entertainment and I have grown apart.

But Robbie and entertainment are still smitten, so Netflix has just entered our lives – along with its wacky recommendations. One of our first two rentals was The Mummy Returns, thus Netflix has recommended ... Lawrence of Arabia.

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Gubernatorama, Day -4: It's Too Late for Job's Gift

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

Diane Beall Templin, American Independent Party:

May the Lord give you the wisdom of Solomon as you vote.

"Um, Mrs. Polling Place Woman? The Lord made me cut my ballot in two. Is that OK?"

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Gubernatorama, Day -5: That Pathetic Parish Arsenal Couldn't Arm a Baby

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California. By the way, part of the fun of this is trying to figure out how to pronounce "gubernatorama."]

Alex-St. James, Republican Party:

Once an Aspirant Catholic Priest, I support life from conception to the grave and the right to bear arms.

Great. Four years of gun-totin' embryos.

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Gubernatorama, Day -6: A Plea for the Uptrodden

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

Warren Farrell, Democratic Party:

My recent research has uncovered why children raised by single dads do better than children raised by single moms; why men now earn less money than women for the same work; why our sons now do worse in school than our daughters... These findings, evolving from thirty years of research in my books ... are deemed too politically incorrect for mainstream candidates to discuss. Thus the policy implications are ignored. My M.A. and Ph.D. in Political Science (UCLA; NYU), allow me to link this research to budgetary solutions for California, including ways to save billions of dollars on prisons and child protection with: equal father and mother involvement; universal prenatal care; more male teachers; boy-friendly schools; a men's birth control pill; communication skills ...

Yes, everything would be better if only men weren't so darned powerless.

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Gubernatorama, Day -7: Companies Love People, That's Why They Set Them Free

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

D. (Logan Darrow) Clements, Republican Party:

Ayn Rand knew that big government ruins all it touches while freedom leads to incredible prosperity. I know, as did she, that the economy will roar to life if we liberate it from excessive taxation and abusive regulation. See the work of freedom in grocery stores filled with food, hospitals filled with lifesaving technology, and a computer industry filled with innovation. ... The more important the task the more reason it should be handled by resourceful companies motivated by profit, not bumbling politicians motivated by power.

Except that corporate pursuit of profit somehow hasn't quite lined up with helping people. You might see that, D. (Logan), if you could get your nose out of the Fountainhead for one damn second.

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Gubernatorama, Day -8: A B.S. in Shelf-Reaching, with a Minor in Carding

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

Ned Roscoe, Libertarian Party:

I am a grocer who, with his family, specializes in selling cigarettes to adults who make their own decisions.

"Specializes"? Who knew selling cigarettes was such a difficult, refined skill that it takes an entire family to manage it? And the kid down at the 7-Eleven makes it look so easy.

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Things I Learned During Moving

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Gubernatorama, Day -9: Logan's Run Campaign

[Our continuing look at actual statements by candidates for governor of California]

Brooke Adams, Independent:

Lead, follow or get out of the way. The older generation, responsible for proper stewardship of California, has shown no leadership and no follow-through. It's time to let my generation take charge. I'm 25 ...

25? Won't her palm go black before her second term's up?

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