'Bred Crumbs
05.23.03
In Matrix Middle Movie, the fight between Neo and a hundred Agent Smiths was cool and all, but you know what I wanna see in Matrix III? Neo fighting a hundred Doctor Smiths.
Until then, I'm working on my MatrixSpeak. As anyone who's read this site knows, I've got the needlessly long explanatory words down pat. Now I've just got to work on the contradictory quasi-philosophy, then perfect the master stroke: whenever anyone asks you a question, instead of answering, just tell them they already know the answer.
If only this technique had been available for all those blind dates:
Job interviews would be easier, too:
Though in either case, I'd recommend against adding the optional "You're just trying to understand it."
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The local Emmys last weekend was much less scary than I had expected once I learned that the theme was going to be "Saturday Night Live." Only one mid-awards sketch perfectly honored the theme's namesake by being unbearably unfunny and going on way too long. The other comedy bits were actually amusing. And the listing of mostly unknown names and winners went by as quickly as could be expected. As it happened, more than one person I know had a stake in a gold boy, so while the affair wasn't wholly victorious for my camp, there was a win, and little statues within touching distance at dinner afterward.
In the category which was most intriguing without my knowing anyone nominated – Light News Feature – there was a strange little mixup, suspicious in a Marisa Tomei kinda way. One of the anchorbeings presenting the award opened the envelope and, excited, shouted out the winner by the person's name instead of the segment title. So it was hard to know what won until the clip started rolling, showing a big slab of meat ("Stolen Meat"). But then the clip stopped, and the presenter said, "There's been a horrible mistake," and she announced that the Emmy actually went to "Dockers Test" – which seemed especially dull after we had been teased with a big slab of meat.*
But when the clip was done, the other presenter, the one not tainted by annoucing the wrong name, suddenly "revealed" that two Emmys were being presented in this category. The multiple awarding was not uncommon for the night, but the procedure here was definitely a little dubious. The second awardee? Guess.
What I learned about big-deal award shows is that, once the rush and/or heartbreak of the awarding is done, the rest of the evening is pretty much like a wedding reception. But this shindig pointed out two ways future ceremonies can spice themselves up.
1. Make sure a late-night horror-movie host is involved. All the presenters were local anchors except one: Zomboo, who hosts a Reno creature feature and gave out the awards in character. (Two fun facts: The Northern California Emmy territory for some reason includes Reno and Hawaii; and, the last "o" in Zomboo is silent.) After a parade of talking news heads trying desperately to be off-the-cuff, Zomboo, with his absurdly sing-song cadence when reading lengthy lists of names, stole the show. Trust me.
2. Make sure the apres awards dinner/reception is in a children's science museum. I require no child, nor any other excuse, to enjoy the Exploratorium, but it was particularly cool watching people in gowns and tuxes breaking away from the tyranny of the cover band to wander around and play with all the interactivity.
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* It's no fun to be teased with a big slab of meat. Oh, who am I kidding?
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