'Bred Crumbs

Some people are using this Sunday's grand occasion of the 302nd Simpsons episode (it should be no surprise that Fox can't count) to slag the achievement, accusing the show of being a dim shadow of its former self. The charge is the same refrain droned by the Internet fans bent on blaming someone for the show's supposed demise, all the while continuing to obsess over it – the very same "fans" Comic Book Guy has come to embody. The claim is that The Simpsons has lost its "humanity," that word being critic-speak for sentimentality. Hell, if you want "humanity," click it over to Friends; that show has come to stink of it.

Funny I should mention Friends, for that series is the other side of the Simpsons' enduring coin. Both shows have, yes, adapted to survive many more years than they were supposed to have. Friends, unfortunately, has addressed the problem of keeping its characters' snappy patter fresh by substituting false emotion, dull romance, baby business, and every other symptom of every other sitcom. The Simpsons writers would have found themselves in the same sludge-hole now had they struggled to perserve the show's "humanity." Instead they decided, rightly, that the emphasis should stay on the satire, the silliness, the non sequiturs, the zingers – the funny. And between you and me (unlike between Will & Grace, also now drained of its once-potent comic gifts), I vastly prefer that my TV comedies stay funny.

Therefore, following Entertainment Weekly's lead (but not its conclusions), here's my list of the top 25 Simpsons eps so far. And unfashionable though it may be, the list does include episodes from this decade.

1. Summer of 4'2" (Season 7-Ep 25, 05.19.96) Lisa's quest for popularity at the beach is sweetly touching, but great lines make the tale memorable: "You like to hang out too?" "Well, it beats doing stuff." "Yeah. Stuff sucks."
2. Trilogy of Error (12-18, 04.29.01) Go meets Run Lola Run meets a million other things. Brilliant. ("Sentence fragment," the grammar robot Linguo would chide.)
3. A Fish Called Selma (7-19, 03.24.96) Troy McClure's shining moment, featuring the Planet of the Apes musical.
4. The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show (8-14, 02.19.97) One of the series' best riffs on its long-running self.
5. Life on the Fast Lane (1-9, 03.18.90) A suave bowler tempts Marge in the breakthrough first-season episode.
6. The Cartridge Family (9-5, 11.02.97) Homer buys a gun, with hilarious but not entirely predictable results.
7. Behind the Laughter (11-22, 05.21.00) This rich parody of all things showbiz is a better retrospective of the Simpsons phenomenon than any actual clip show.
8. Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou? (2-15, 02.21.91) Homer ruins his brother's life.
9. Black Widower (3-21, 04.29.92) Sideshow Bob's best failure.
10. Pygmoelian (11-16, 02.27.00) Moe gets an absurdly successful facelift.
11. Dead Putting Society (2-6, 11.15.90) Homer and Ned take their tension out on the boys.
12. Itchy and Scratchy and Marge (2-9, 12.20.90) Subversiveness at its finest in a storyline that briefly pretends to endorse censorship.
13. The Great Money Caper (12-7, 12.10.00) Homer and Bart's grifting spree ends with the best of the show's latter-day dare-you-to-care meta endings.
14. Colonel Homer (3-20, 03.26.92) Homer avoids a country singer's temptations.
15. You Only Move Twice (8-2, 11.03.92) Homer's new job, boss, and town are a little too perfect. Pay attention to the lyrics of the Bondesque closing theme.
16. Who Shot Mr. Burns, Part 1 (6-25, 05.21.95) Probably the show's best-known episode; plus, it has an MST3K reference.
17. Homer Alone (3-15, 02.06.92) Marge gets a vacation, transferring the household stress to Homer.
18. Radioactive Man (7-2, 09.24.95) Milhouse suffers child stardom.
19. HOMR (12-9, 01.07.01) Homer learns the pain of intelligence firsthand. "Increase my killing power, eh?"
20. Girly Edition (9-21, 04.19.98) Television news proves to be right up Bart's smarmy alley.
21. My Sister, My Sitter (8-17, 03.02.97) Bart torments Lisa, and Maggie gets all hopped up on coffee.
22. Children of a Lesser Clod (12-20, 05.13.01) Homer's day-care center gives Ralph and Apu's octuplets some of their best moments.
23. Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield (7-14, 02.04.96) Marge aspires to a country club, with one cheap suit.
24. Brother's Little Helper (11-2, 10.03.99) Bart gets kooky on the Focusin.
25. Papa's Got a Brand New Badge (13-22, 05.22.02) The Sopranos homage is so dead-on, I love it, and I've never even seen the show. Highlight: Homer recites his lengthy, bizarre, 13-year job résumé.

Worst episode ever: "Stark Raving Dad" (3-1, 09.19.91) The show sucks up to Michael Jackson while pretending not to, and we are subjected to an awful saccharine birthday song twice. Insufferable.

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It still causes me culture shock to go back to my birth town and find not a coffeeshop or Kinko's in sight. But suddenly, Kentucky's riding the broadband wave, becoming the first state to require high-speed Internet access in all new low-income housing that is mostly state-funded, Wired News reports.

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OK, who's the programming genius (by which, of course, I mean idiot) who scheduled the Inside the Actors Studio show with the cast of the The Simpsons for 8 o'clock tonight – opposite The Simpsons?

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