'Bred Crumbs

07:25 PM Signs of my rapidly accelerating geekiness:

-- When I need to clean my whiteboard (yes, I finally got one), I have to contend with this one container of towelettes that was really hard to activate and whose dispensing mechanism remains lame, and every time I think, God, what a bad UI.

-- I missed my whiteboard.

-- I find myself wanting to metaphorically right-click on everything -- TV shows (what's the title of this episode? Click), movie screens (who is that guy? Click), and phones; when I'm receiving or trying to return a long-distance call from an unknown source, seems like something should tell me the location of the area code ('cause good luck in remembering them anymore).

-- People are calling me to solve technical problems. Shocking.

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How can this possibly be true?

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In news that will shock those familiar with my eating habits -- the very description of which would outright kill some dietitians (with little measurable loss to society) -- I have started eating lowfat yogurt. This is awfully close to fruits and vegetables, infrequent visitors to my dining regimen. Flavor choice was a turning point; I was able to overcome longstanding texture issues when I realized that if the chunks in the stuff were chunks of strawberry, the only berry I care for, then I might not mind them. Plus, Robbie noted, the texture of the main part of the yogurt is like that of Jell-O pudding, on which I have become dependent. The taste test was a success, and I found strawberry banana's even tastier.

So off we go down a dangerously healthy road. It's amazing what one's boyfriend can persuade one to put in one's mouth.

Yes, I just really wrote that.

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10:16 PM Despite the possibly valuable information provided by this study, all I can think as I read it is, They're giving monkeys cocaine.

The alpha male in a group of monkeys gets the best banana, doesn't have to fight -- and is less likely than subordinate monkeys to use cocaine, scientists have observed. ... Furthermore, subordinate monkeys were more likely to give themselves cocaine than to choose water. Dominant monkeys didn't avoid cocaine altogether, but their intake was significantly lower than that of their subordinates.

I wonder if the outcome would have been different had the study been conducted in a disco in the '70s?

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This weekend, Robbie and I easily cleared another key juncture. We were walking along Market on our way to our encore viewing of The Movie* and passed a heart-riddled display in the window of Old Navy.

"Oh yeah," Robbie said, "It's almost Valentine's Day."

Excitedly noting no trace of enthusiasm in his voice, I motioned for, and he quickly agreed to, a pact. Even though we have both long lacked the opportunity to participate in this forced Western ritual but now qualify, we vowed to completely ignore this odious "holiday," happily surrendering the mushy and chocolatey benefits thereof.

I urge all others who are lucky enough to be romantically linked to follow our lead. Indeed, let's make it a crusade:

Why? Because it's a manufactured travesty that puts needless societal pressure on the attached and unattached alike. We just finished one high-pressure holiday; let's rip the empty heart out of this one.

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Finally saw the infamous Paula Zahn promo, and that sound at the end? Sorry folks, I hear a phono needle scratch, not a zipper, just as CNN claimed. That's not to excuse CNN for the ad or, for that matter, hiring Zahn. But the network still has a good ways to plummet before reaching the depths of Fox News.

For me, the whole burgeoning Fox-CNN news war raises these questions:

1. There are people who actually watch Fox News?
2. There are people who actually watch Bill O'Reilly?
3. Really?
4. Why?
5. Didn't this all already happen a hundred years ago?

* A Beautiful What? Black Hawk Where?

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