'Bred Crumbs

05:57 PM The modern greeting to your corporate co-worker: "You still here?"

My company laid off 10 percent of its employees today.* No, not me. Gratefulness mixed with sadness mixed with a little anger. I understand to a point that times are tough and sometimes hard calls have to be made so that a company can survive, but you always wonder whether the question is survival or short-term profits. And whatever the question, the fact is that at some point someone decided that the best answer to the given situation was to deprive a lot of people of their jobs two weeks before Christmas. It's hard to fathom.

* Well, that answers the question of how they're going to fit us all into one less building.

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12:14 AM The "lost" '70s Christmas special: "Frodo Baggins' Holiday Fun Time Sing-Song Hour"!

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The new No Doubt tune (video here if you want to deal with Real Player) is hella catchy; more important, I think it must be the first-ever pop song to use the word "chamomile."

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12:58 PM Dear Mr. Bush and administration,

As we remember the horror, loss, and heroism of three months ago, I appeal to you to take the opportunity of this marking of time past to begin to look more forward than back -- and especially, to speak more forward than back. I am not suggesting you abandon your various plans and missions; for the most part, I, like most Americans, continue to support them. But it is time to put a greater emphasis on trying to build a solid foundation for future peace -- to try to be a better world citizen, and thus dim the hatred that hatched the terror. And it is time to put aside the rhetoric that has sustained you the past 13 weeks.

Speak no more of "justice." Civilized societies seek it and should continue to, but everything cannot hinge on it. Life often operates without it. And "justice" will not protect us. Honesty and security and understanding will.

Speak no more of "evildoers." The world is too complicated for the leaders of its mightiest nation to be basing their policy on concepts best left to cartoons.

And speak no more of "unity." First, how much have all those flags flying really accomplished? Second, in the name of strength and reassurance, you have repeatedly called publicly upon your particular God. But as we see in the many sources of conflicts that plague the world, religion is one of the biggest wedges between people. America is not a theocracy (though it often seems you're trying to make it one); it is a democracy. And its strength is not unity; it is diversity. Please remember that.

Sincerely,
tim

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Dewayne raises the topic of grits, and though I am originally from the part of the country that encourages them, I don't understand why they are enjoyed by anyone. Tried 'em once. The texture was icky (I have big-time food texture issues, which for example keep me from eating any kind of bean) and the only way to make the lumpy mess taste like anything is to pile sugar and/or butter on it. What's the point? Sure I favor some foods, such as rice, that are largely just vehicles for other, tasty foods. But rice is solid enough to support and enhance such necessities as meat and gravy. Grits is just this sorry puddle of stuff best shunned. I mean, come on, you develop a taste for grits and you're one small step from chitlins and brains and other horrible substances that some poor Delta farmer long ago must have started consuming just because he was tired of eating dirt. (Ooh, would Julia Sugarbaker be angry at me for bringing that up.) If you must sample Southern food, go for the fried chicken or catfish. Now that's eatin'.

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Hypocrisy as business: while Web portals continue to heed the harmful wishes of Americans who are afraid of sex (tried to participate in an adult-oriented Yahoo! Group lately?), they eagerly seek the sex dollars of our European cousins, who don't get quite so bent out of shape. Unless that's what turns you on.

The twisted attitudes of prudes also come to light in "Vanity Plates of Alaska," one of the numerous great offerings online now that McSweeney's has started regularly filling its Lists section again. Other recently added favorites are "Titles of Unwritten Essays Jotted Down While Living in Prague in the 90s" and this not-surprising bit from "Things I Learned at My New Job at the Video Store":

6. Men in the gay porn section do not mind me coming in to restock the tags.

7. Men in the straight porn section mind it a lot.

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There was another San Francisco election today. I suspect there are more people working at my polling place than will vote there.

The occasion was a runoff in the city-attorney race, and it was a tough call. For one thing, the city's major news sources are so focused on speculation about world matters that they're neglecting local coverage, or at least burying it. And both candidates have used shady tactics, one ignoring spending limits and the other resorting to fudging endorsements.

Fortunately, I could turn to the Web for info. Both candidates have solid legal credentials. One candidate, Jim Lazarus, has the backing of the Machine. The other, Dennis Herrera, is likely to continue to embroil my city in ludicrous, grandstanding litigation in the name of consumer protection. If Herrera wins, for example, we can perhaps look forward to a lawsuit against the makers of anti-HIV drugs on the grounds that their ads show healthy, vibrant people. (How dare they!)

Even so, I went with the latter candidate. In the last supervisors' election, the voters made a strong move to dismantle the Machine, and it makes sense to continue the effort, despite the risk of misguided behavior. I'm not convinced I made the right choice, but given the recent inability of San Francisco to even conduct an election, I'm not worried about it.

Besides, Herrera's website is much better than Lazarus'.

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01:25 PM You know it's a slow news day, at least by recent standards, when the second item in the Headline News half-hour is holiday stress. And the "report" is built around an interview with Joyce Brothers.

The alleged news angle for this was the supposition that people are feeling guilty about enjoying these holidays because of, you know, national tragedy and such. I really hope this assumption is baseless, though, because if people really are feeling guilty this Christmas, they should feel guilty every Christmas. There has always been suffering, even in good times, and Xmas has never magically wiped that sadness away; indeed, it often contributes to or intensifies it. But it accomplishes nothing to feel bad just out of a sense of obligation.

That said, now that we're past its ridiculously early start, I'm not minding Christmastime this year the way I usually do. Maybe it's just that I've learned to count my numerous blessings. (Think of it as Second Thanksgiving -- and New Year's as a third.) Or maybe it's that I know how important the season is to several friends of mine.

Or maybe it's just that I've finally caved to the siren song of online shopping.

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12:32 PM That sound you just heard was that of my life-blood being drained. My company is shutting down for the last two weeks of the year to retrench from three buildings to two, and in the big building that many of us are having to vacate, they are, even as I type, already taking out the Pepsi machines.*

[shaking fist Snoopy-style] Curse you, recession!

* Yes, there are still Coke machines. What's your point?

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11:45 AM A survey on post-Sept. 11 attitudes, done in partnership with the Harris Poll company, shows that people who identify themselves as some part of the gay-les-bi-trans umbrella are more inclined to fly than heteros, but less inclined to buy for the holidays. The most surprising finding: GLBTs have cut back on going out more than straights. Then again, that explains why we got a table so quickly at Tin Pan the other night.

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There's a growing body of early evidence to suggest that The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring is indeed a very good movie, and I'm reminded of a simple reason I'm enthused about this movie but down on Mr. Potter's. Although ... and the Sorcerer's Stone was a nice little book, it can't match the richness of Tolkien's epic. If LotR director Peter Jackson is really as dedicated to bringing that world to filmic life as all the word about the movies indicates he is, then we're in for something great. And when Tolkien neophytes race to the books after seeing the first movie, they'll surely find plenty more to revel in that the film, excellent though it may be, couldn't capture. It's a win-win.

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