'Bred Crumbs

02:47 PM Some people really get into Christmas, but I am not some people. (Wondrous though the aforelinked some people are.) And so, my annual cringing is under way. I am appalled to have already seen that damned Christmas M&M's commercial, the same one ("Santa?") they've been playing a hundred times a day every December for the past three years. And today, I was pummeled with Christmas music while eating lunch in a Chinese restaurant. There I am enjoying my orange chicken, and I hear "Silver Bells." You know the words:

Silver bells, silver bells
It's barely late November in the city
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring
More than a month from now it'll be Christmas Day

Eek. December's still beyond a week away, yet it's only a matter of time till I'm hurling myself across my home or car to silence the radio before another note of that horrible Xmas record by Wings or the Waitresses can assault my pagan ears.

But I'll try to be patient, realizing how much retailers need the boost this year, and that their getting the boost will help me and many others stay employed amid what real people know is a recession -- and now maybe even economists have finally figured it out.

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My Thanksgiving was turkey-free, not because I don't enjoy the traditional bird but just because Robbie and I are both turkey-prep novices who couldn't get our act together enough to orchestrate the ordeal. But we ate hearty. My recommendation if you wish to you be a Thanksgiving rebel in the future without giving up good eatin': get yourself some big, thick ribeyes, which no one else in the store on Thanksgiving Eve will be buying; let them marinate in A-1 and garlic and whatever other spices you want to throw in all Thanksgiving afternoon to get them nice and tender; pan-fry those suckers in the evening until they're crispy outside and well-cooked but still quite juicy inside; and use the rest of the garlic in your mashed potatoes. Mmmmmmmm.

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11:08 PM This happened a couple weeks back. I waited to get Robbie's permission to share it.

Robbie was picking up the bill after dinner, using his card. He struggled with the tip math for a while, as do we all, adding a degree of difficulty by following my senseless habit of adding a tip that will bring the total to an exact dollar amount.

After he'd jotted down his number, I looked at it. It wasn't quite there. To get a $28.00 total, he had added to the $23.14 total a tip of $4.46.*

I mentioned the miss. He surveyed the numbers.

"That's right, isn't it?"

"Um, no."

Robbie looked further, clearly puzzled. Then it hit him.

"I'm so stupid!" (Which he isn't.) "I was adding in time!"

And thus, the occupational hazards of working in television.

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It was Robbie who helped me bury what had been my crappiest birthday ever -- bad news from friends, interpersonal tension, icky weather -- in a wonderful, wonderful night. Thanks to that and the welcome greetings of several of you, it will be remembered well.

OK, enough gushing.

* Numbers approximate. Some settling of my memory's contents has surely occurred.

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