'Bred Crumbs

05:21 PM The question was posed in one of the longer lines at Great America: Do you think it's possible to make a joke about the length of the wait for this ride that has never before been made?

My reflexive answer was no. Then I thought about it a little and decided, yes, it was possible to make a joke about the length of the wait for that ride that had never before been made. And it went ... a little something ... like this ...

"I haven't waited in line this long since I was stuck behind Jenna Bush at a bar."

On top of that, the ride was well worth the wait. I still love Top Gun and Kings Island's The Beast (now so far away from me), but they have been dethroned as the thrill-ride champions of my heart by Stealth. Maybe it was the simulated experience of flying -- or maybe, as was suggested, it was the snug, secure harness -- but for whatever reason, when the ride was done and I lay horizontal waiting for the train to pull in to the station, my feeling was very nearly postcoital.

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I would take what Barron said on June 11, subtract the last line, and add:

I hate the death penalty because of its vile euphemism. The "death penalty." Makes premeditated killing sound so benign. Makes it sound instead like a minor infraction -- something that gets a hockey player sent to the box.

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Damn. How am I supposed to continue my lifelong hatred of the Chicago Cubs if they're going to go and do something like encourage gay fans to come out to the ballgame? (Weak pun intended.)

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It took them long enough, but the mainstream news media (it's the L.A. Times -- brace yourself for pop-unders) finally caught up to the peculiar story of the bodybuilding Mentzer brothers' deaths. Seventies muscle legend Mike Mentzer -- one of yours truly's earliest physical heroes, who got extra points for having a big grudge against Arnold Schwarzenegger -- died Sunday at his home, at age 49. His younger brother, Ray, who found Mike's body, died within two days. It's weird and, if one or both of them did die of cardiac problems as some are saying, very scary given their ages. (See also: Douglas Adams.) Yep, time to check that cholesterol level ...

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03:12 PM Daylight-savings time is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It gives us more time to enjoy the outdoors, it makes sunsets more accessible, and it just generally brings us more light and joy. And, a Slate writer reminds us, much electricity can be saved by extending daylight-savings time. Bravo! Take that, you standard-time-clinging spoilsports.

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12:56 PM A tour of the radio, June 2001:

The 'N Sync boys are sounding a tad defensive on their new one. Does somebody hear the fame clock ticking?

America*!? Oh, no, right, it's Janet Jackson.

Dido's "Thank You" is, finally, a tad less ubiquitous. As always, I enjoy the funky chugging of the start of the song and bail before the insipid second verse begins, and the song becomes "Manic Monday" taken way too seriously.

Apparently, Rob Thomas spent his "mad sea-SON" going to the Alanis School of Incorrect Syllable Emphasis.

"Lady Marmalade" nouveau comes on again, and I can't help but chuckle heartily ever since Dana shrewdly pointed out that in her überwhore incarnation, Christina Aguilera is Dee Snider.

Since I can't keep up with Destiny's Child, I just make up my own words to "Survivor": "I'm a truck driver, I'm not a Teamster ..."

Everybody sing along -- it's Uncle Kracker, with the catchiest tune about adultery ever!

* And fine though "Ventura Highway" is, "Sister Golden Hair" contains one of my all-time favorite pop lyrics: "I've been one poor correspondent."

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