'Bred Crumbs

11:59 AM Dude dress like a lady? Here's your shopping guide:

1. Get a fashion kilt. (Scroll down the linked page and click on "Twenty-First Century Kilts.")

2. Get pantyhose for men.

If it seems like I'm poking fun, well, it's a time-honored tradition called "going for the cheap laugh." In truth, both of these sound potentially sexy as hell. It's all about the masculinity.

(Read more about the kilt-meister. The hose link comes from MetaFilter, which it is good to see accepting guests again.)

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12:23 AM Update to yesterday's entry: Sam has taken one for the team and followed the X-10 trail on a search-and-destroy mission. Thanks be to him, and the result: click this link and these aggravating ads will, we are told, not appear in your browser for 30 days. (Of course, this puts a cookie on your machine, which probably means that the camera overlords now know everything about you, including the dirty thoughts you've had involving lighting fixtures and Underwood sandwich spreads, but still, no annoying pop-unders!)

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I don't think I'm being too harsh when I say: the Corrs must die.

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11 AM Inside.com has the full scoop on the ad you've surely grown to hate. Unless you're one of those people who've actually clicked-through the dreaded X-10 pop-under, in which case, I may have to reconsider speaking to you. (Link via Davenetics)

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01:09 PM Sorry, folks: the images of Hollywood on the road that I said yesterday would soon be revealed have fallen prey to the fragility of technology. These things happen. (Gee, I wasn't nearly this calm about the fragility of technology when I lost my cell phone last week.)

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From the above item to this there's a segue I'll leave you to find ...

Anyone who has read and loves The Lord of the Rings should check out the splendid two-part analysis at Salon. It elaborates on the facets of the book that appeal to me (the building of a world and a story upon language; the subtle intimations of intragender love); explains the context of the book's few disturbing aspects (such as its Aryanism); and reveals things about the book and author that surprised me (their Christian leanings). But the achievement of Andrew O'Hehir's article that most makes me itch to reread the saga is that it well demonstrates the importance of the long ending of The Return of the King -- by which I mean, everything after the quest ends at Mount Doom. This part always struck me as drawn-out and anticlimactic, but, especially in light of O'Hehir's insights on the revolutionary nature of the climax, I'm wanting to give it another chance.

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[Editor's note: the link in this item has been repaired as of 06.06. Damned "http." Sorry.]

You know how sometimes you love an album instantly, but sometimes you grow to love one over many months? That latter has happened to me with Local H's Pack Up the Cats. It has four things I'm a sucker for: fun, tuneful rock; interconnected songs; a "concept"; and a sense of humor. Why'd it take me so long to get smitten?

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12:46 PM One of the great things about California is that you can go to lunch and stumble upon the filming of a big-deal movie. Today, it was the sure-to-be-awful The Sweetest Thing, starring Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, and ... Jason Bateman! Watch this space for a link to borderline-illicit photos of none of these people.

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My earlier allusion to my birth sign prompted the question: what exactly are the supposed characteristics of a Scorpio*?

The answer proves hard to report; being concise is not a strength of astrologers. I finally selected an assessment that, after a nonsense list of sign-appropriate stones, flowers, metals, incense and numbers (1, 3, 5, 7, 8 -- funny, another site said 2 and 4), moved into the section it called "the heavy shit." I like that. Here is the condensed heavy shit (new from Campbell's!):

Scorpios are the most intense of the signs. ... [I]ntrigue, sarcasm come naturally to them. You can recognize a Scorpio by the penetrating gaze they will give you -- enough to light something on fire, or smother something completely, depending. All this intensity does not necessarily signal a strength of confidence, it rather reflects the potency of their feelings, of the emotional issues inside of the them. Their sexuality is a good example of this. ... Their intensity in bed, their consumption by sensuality, is a measure of the depth of the forces at work inside them.

After a little more of that comes what we're looking for, people: lists.

Positive characteristics: motivated, penetrating, executive, resourceful, determined, scientific, investigative, probing, passionate, aware
Negative characteristics: vengeful, temperamental, secretive, overbearing, violent, sarcastic, suspicious, jealous, intolerant

Also enjoyable was the description at AstroEvolution.com, which talks more about the whole supposed passion thing, and notes that "Scorpios are the sophisticates of the zodiac." Does that mean we get into all the swank zodiac cocktail parties? Are we the elitists who keep voting to exclude Ophiuchus from the ecliptical roster? More important, aren't we entitled to free drinks at the Zodiac Club?

And the very title of the Mountain Astrologer was intriguing; plus, it devoted an entire issue to "the dark and fertile Scorpionic Underworld." But alas, the mumbo-jumbo was too deep to wade; one article slowed me down with the section "Scorpio within the Chakra System" and stopped me entirely with a William Blake poem about resentment.

But I don't think I missed any info; the beauty of horoscopes is that the characteristics of any sign are so numerous that something will apply to you. If you're going to spread your hokum out over centuries, you need that kind of coverage.

If I seem resistant or obstinate about this, well, I'm a Scorpio. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go try to burn some ants with my eyes.

* Here I'll use the astrological sign's name; before, referring to the actual constellation, I went with the astronomical "Scorpius." Because you, the reader, care.

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