'Bred Crumbs

I Will Treasure Your Halitosis Always

By all appearances, the following is real. See for yourself at Breath Capture:

Everyone is born with it. A desire to be near the ones we care about most. And we find ways to remember them when they're away. A lock of hair. Letters. An old photo. And now there's Breath Capture™. Capture the breath of a loved one or friend and keep them close. Forever.

That's right: have the one you hold most dear breathe into a small test tube, as if he has been pulled over for DUI; seal his stolen soul; and slap that puppy on a plaque for your wall. (Or hang it from your ears.) Because nothing says "I miss you" like staring at an invisible substance distinguished from other invisible substances by being imprisoned in glass (or clear plastic; the site doesn't say).

And you can get the tube monogrammed, in case you forget whose carbon dioxide you're ogling.

It's genius, I tell you. How did we ever manage to remember loved ones without being prompted by Pyrex?

As if the product name weren't enough, some sinister overtones are provided by the "Instructions" page, which closes with:

Note: You may want to insert a a [sic] lock of your friend's hair into the tube before capturing their breath.

Nah, that doesn't reek of black magic.

Man, I hope against hope that this is a prank. If not, I weep yet more for mankind.

Also if not, would any of you be interested in investing in my Precious Mementos Toenail-Clippings Organizer?

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