'Bred Crumbs

Pronoun of Power

I read something that unexpectedly warmed* my heart. It was a New York Times piece (via CNET) about how no one can remember phone numbers anymore.

The topic isn't the fuzzy part, though it's interesting. The article examines both ways of looking at this side effect of cell-phone use: the notion that such technological dependence is "dumbing us down" vs. the less alarmist view that the technology keeps us from having to waste our brain power on these particular strings of numbers anymore, freeing up storage space for password memorization and such.

But the article does highlight the risks of dependence that become all too visible when the device isn't there for you anymore. And that's where an unexpected sign of real progress comes in.

Jeff Gillis, 24, a student at Teachers College at Columbia University, knows the perils of phone loss. Over winter break he dropped his flip phone in a Blockbuster store in Boston, and it broke in two. ...

Perhaps the most frustrating part was that Gillis had been dating someone in Manhattan and couldn't get in touch with him until he returned to the city.

Did you catch it? The article didn't play pronoun games or say at any point, "Gillis, who is a homosexual ... ." There was no kind of labored aside that the student interviewed is gay. Just "dating someone" linked to "him." This student had no qualms about revealing the gender of his date, and the Times didn't squirm in mentioning it. He's just one of the phone-number-forgetting masses, and he just happens to date men.

The refreshing nature of this may not be immediately apparent; after all, people tend to think of the Times as a "liberal" newspaper. But when it comes to social controversy and making things painfully plain in news stories, the Times, like most other papers, is conservative, in the non-political sense of the word. Indeed, this is one of the few papers left that still follows the quaint practice of attaching courtesy titles to all adults on second reference. (In the original Times version of the article, which requires registration, it's "Mr. Gillis had been dating someone."**)

So this no-fuss link between "dating" and "him" was very reassuring, in the face of the rising tide of hypocrites and ignoramuses (ignoramii?) who would drive us back into the closet. Like the reader who wrote TV Guide critic Matt Roush (bottom item; registration required) complaining that The Amazing Race is supposed to be a family show, but the presence of a gay couple on the current edition means he can't watch it with his 9-year-old. To recap – men showing affection for men: not for young eyes. Cut-throat competition and backstabbing: teach your children well. (Roush, to his credit, also had no sympathy for the uncomfortable father.)

But back on the hopeful side, I'm reminded of my friend Kris, who grew up in a religiously restrictive home but is definitely not raising his children that way. One year, on Easter, Kris and family went for brunch in the Castro, and spotted, among other things, a man wearing a festive bonnet.

Kris' 4-year-old daughter asked, "Why is that man wearing a bonnet?"

It took a second, but her mom came up with the answer: "Because it's Easter."

And that was all the explanation that was needed.

·  ·  ·

* Given the eventual topic of this post, I deliberately did not say "cockles."

** In the Times' version, there's also a picture of Mr. Gillis, leafing through the dead-tree address book he now uses as a backup.

Send e-mail