'Bred Crumbs
07.20.03
Outward-Snarling Dog
01:57 PMIf I came down a little hard on Queer Eye the other day, there may have been external forces at work. Truth is, I was a little cranky from yoga.
Take a moment to let the contradiction settle in, and I'll explain.
The main reason I've been dabbling in the bendy arts in the first place is because they should, in theory, take care of two polar-opposite ways I need to repair myself. Through yoga, I can actually exert my body for a change (what is this "exercise" of which you speak?), yet also learn to relax both my body and mind, thus helping to keep my neck and shoulders from knotting up like a Boy Scout in bondage school.
The relax-the-mind part is probably the biggest personal challenge, but yoga can do it, by making you focus on breathing and what you're trying to making your body do instead of on the world and your job and traffic and noisy neighbors. But that's only if your instructor doesn't try to give you a little sermon while you balance.
The teacher that night decided the class would have a theme: nonviolence. Nonviolence may indeed be one of the eight "limbs" of yoga, but it's not the one I'm paying twelve bucks for tonight. Not that I'm an especially violent person, but my cheek's turn radius isn't tight, and while I admire the Gandhic goal, I'll have to get there my own way. Which is not by being harangued about it while I'm struggling not to lose my tenuous hold* on Downward-Facing Dog.
And especially not when you begin the class with a thinly disguised advocacy of vegetarianism, my views of which are hilariously echoed in Guster's road journal. ("What about these sharp, predatory, gristle-grinding incisors in my mouth, Morrissey!?") The things I've read about yoga so far don't mention not eating meat, and neither does any Indian menu I've ever seen.
On top of the veggie sentiments and the clumsily read quotes from famous peaceful people, the instructor of this supposed beginner class also flung us into about five positions I hadn't yet encountered, and provided little useful guidance. That's when he acknowledged, in an attempt at humor, that we might be feeling anger toward him, which like all other anger we should just let go.
Well, even the best of spiritual or religious traditions could stand to learn from the wisdom of secular life, and here's a valuable pointer:
If a person is agitated, the surest way not to calm him down is to tell him to calm down.**
And the room was extra hot and sweaty, and I was a little challenged because I haven't yet figured out that yoga should be practiced more often than monthly. I did finally get to a place of quiet by what I call relaxy time at class's end, but it wasn't my best yoga experience. More no mas than namaste.
· · ·
* So-called sticky mats can actually be quite slippery. Discuss.
** Corollary: If you tell someone not to take something personally, you are ensuring that he will, and admitting that he has every reason to.
Features
